To Live Again
by Phoenix20
Summary: Alternate season 6. Starts at Bargaining...After 'The Gift', Buffy did go to hell. And now, upon her return to the living, she's not quite the same. There is a storyline: most likely long; remember, its the whole S.6! B/S, W/T, X/A
1. Default Chapter

To Live Again  
  
Author: Phoenix  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, yada yada.  
  
Summary: This is my alternate season 6. After 'Gift', Buffy did go to a hell dimension, and now she's back. But, she's not quite the same Buffy, and she has a hard time dealing. B/S, X/A, W/T  
  
Feedback: Reviews are Always Welcome (  
  
*Author's Note: Like the summary says, this is my version of BtVS season 6. This will be long.and very B/S, but also with X/A and W/T, and Giles too. Everyone's involved; it's pretty much the WHOLE season re-done by me. It will probably be a lot different.so.that's all I can think to say right now. Enjoy.Oh, and, review, if you would be so kind.  
  
Chapter One-The Coming  
  
Willow slouched back onto the grass, her deed done. Tara rushed over, cradling the other witch in her lap. The other Scoobies, minus the non- present Giles and Dawn, crowded around her, concern on their faces. Willow let a weak smile grace her face as she turned slightly to eye the tombstone.  
  
"I.I think it worked! The urn only needs to remain undisturbed for a few minutes." she said softly, awe apparent in her voice.  
  
"I guess we'll find out." Xander said, a bit unsure. Suddenly the deafening roar of motorcycles came tearing through the cemetery. Soon, the large bikes with their less-than-appealing members were weaving in and out of the Scoobies, striking out every once in a while. Terrified, the small group scattered, each trying to find cover from the demons.  
  
As Willow bolted away, limping a bit from her tiredness, she heard a crash and craned her head around to look at the space by the grave. What she saw made her head spin. The urn had been run over.  
  
"Nooo!" she moaned, but she stumbled and turned back forward, forcing herself to push the crashed, rare item from her mind.  
  
~~~  
  
Someone was coming. Someone unwelcome. She could feel the familiar tingle up her spine, and it was making her sick. She sat up in the poor excuse for a bed she had made of the floor and looked to the door of the crumbling cottage that was her haven. Her breathing became more labored and small beads of sweat began forming on her forehead. She could hear footsteps coming up the narrow path now. A group of them. The wait was excruciating. She almost wished they would just come and get it over with.  
  
A hand came up to her face to brush away a stray lock of gold. As she pulled her hand from her head, the young woman looked at her arm. What was once a smooth, silken limb, which had brought destruction to many evils, was now scarred and dirty. Her hair, too, was transformed. What used to be sleek, smooth, vanilla-scented hair was now a tangled, dull mass. She was a bit disgusted with herself. But those feelings of revulsion were foggy. That's what a hell dimension will do to you, I guess. She thought mildly, surprising herself. She didn't get much time to think anymore, and when she did, they were troubled thoughts centering solely on her survival.  
  
She had been there awhile now; she had lost track of the time. However, the time in the hell dimension had begun to take its toll. At first, she was ok. Yes, it had been hard, but she had fought back, and was strong. But, after a while, the hell began wearing down on her. Her character began fading, her strength dwindling, and her will to continue on grew dull. Now, it seemed her whole reason for living was, ironically, to stay alive. Her soul was dying, and it was killing her inside and out.  
  
Suddenly the pounding of the footsteps became more pronounced, closer. She didn't exactly know who it was, but it didn't matter. She had quickly learned that no soul in this God-forsaken dimension could be appreciated or welcome. Anyways, she had a good idea of who it was, and she dreaded the confrontation. She involuntarily began to shake as she heard a stick on the path crunch. Almost there, but not quite. The group was drawing near, but taking their time. Why won't they just come?! Her mind screamed, and she brought her knees up to her chest, locking her arms around them.  
  
There. She stared quietly as the rusty door knob began to turn, and squeezed her eyes shut as the 'squeak' of the door announced its opening. Only an instant, though, and she opened them.  
  
Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped in a soundless scream, and her heart sank at the sight of the redhead standing confidently in front of her.  
  
"Surprise." Glory said smugly. The former vampire slayer whimpered and huddled in the corner, tears forming in her eyes.  
  
~~~  
  
The sickening pop of the demon leader's neck brought unhealthy satisfaction to Spike as he wrung his neck and finally dropped the lifeless body to the ground. He turned to where the rest of the gang was standing, including Dawn, and shook his head.  
  
"That should get the lot out 'o here." He said, taking out his pack of cigarettes. Suddenly the street outside the occupied alley shook with the rumble of bikes as the rest of the gang caught wind and left. The Scoobies shifted around nervously watching them pass, and Spike took a drag from his cigarette and strode back towards the road, leaving them behind. He walked briskly by the burning trashcans, throwing his fag into one of them, and into a deserted, but very obviously previously used, lot. He was walking fast, not seeing his path, when something under his foot crunched. Looking down, he saw the face of the 'bot, and felt tears threaten. He knew it wasn't real, and it wasn't like he was attached to the thing. It was just that the sight of the emotionless, still face brought back memories of a real face that had looked just the same: lifeless. Gathering himself, and taking an unnecessary breath, he continued on, though somewhat more solemn.  
  
As he treaded through the cemetery gate he paused. Left would be to Buffy's grave, right would be to his crypt. It only took him a second, and he veered left decidedly.  
  
~~~  
  
Her vision blurred and she righted herself unevenly.  
  
"Thought ya got away, didn't you?" came the harsh voice. Buffy just stared at the dirty ground of the shabby lodge.  
  
"Oh come on, Buff!" Glory bent to her level and took the blonde's chin in her grasp roughly, pulling her head up to face her as she spat maliciously, "You thought you were pretty clever, hmm? Well you should have known I'd find you. I will always find you." The redhead chuckled cruelly, then frowned suddenly. She jerked the head she held in her hand violently.  
  
"Look at me!"  
  
Buffy feebly turned from her distant reverie back to her tormentor, her swollen, bruised eyes struggling to focus. Glory smiled wickedly and stood up, starting to pace.  
  
"Slayer, Slayer, Slayer.You should have known.If ya jumped into my big ball of energy, you'd come to my dimension. I think you've forgotten where you are.Pulling all these 'hey lets run away!' stunts has gotten you a little too comfy here. You're in a hell dimension, babe!" With that she turned and motioned to a demon guard, who promptly brought her a large sledge-hammer-looking thing. She laughed as Buffy's eyes widened, despite their swollen-shut appearance. The Goddess lightly tossed the hammer back and forth, looking down at it fondly.  
  
"Looks kind of familiar, huh? Kinda like that one you used on me. Except, this one is for you." Smirking wildly, Glory raised the hammer.  
  
It had been only weeks, yet it felt like forever. The time passed so slowly in this dimension, you could have traveled across the country and back in one day. At first Buffy had been strong. She could be very stubborn, and her heart was set on staying that way. But, as time passed, she was, inevitably, defeated. The creatures of that realm had tormented her until her spirit was torn to shreds. Her thoughts now centered on passing the time quickly and without pain. She was sure she was doomed to this hell for the rest of time, and maybe longer.  
  
She was blind to the world around her, only vaguely aware of the torrential beating and shots of pain coursing through her. She wasn't aware of her cries each time the hammer came down upon her, or the laughing eyes of Glory as she looked up into them. This was routine, just something to be endured. She hardly gave notice to it anymore. Until it suddenly stopped.  
  
Immediately she was aware that the pounding had ceased, and looked up, alarmed. It was much shorter than usual, and she was innately afraid that there was something worse to torture her with. She saw the awed, anxious expression on Glory's face, and followed the redhead's eyes down to her own body. With a small gasp she realized that her body was being surrounded by a golden, blinding light..an aura of some sort. Buffy's eyes grew wide, and she looked down at her hands, thoroughly stunne . Glory sputtered without words, finally turning to her pack of demons, looking at one in particular with obvious question.  
  
"What-? How--?"  
  
"Your highness," the demon said appealingly as he stepped forward hesitantly, "I have no idea what's going.on."  
  
The demon's voice trailed as his jaw dropped yet again, his beady eyes fixed on the former slayer. Glory spun around, her eyes enlarging at the new sight. Buffy was disappearing. Slowly but surely, the blonde's slender form was disintegrating, becoming more and more ghostly. Furious, Glory picked up the forgotten hammer and charged Buffy. But her strike was forcefully ricocheted, sending her stumbling backwards. Buffy was fading, and a small smile graced the woman's lips as she watched in wonder as her arms slowly disappeared.  
  
The goddess let out a distressed cry, raising Buffy's eyes to her. A rage burned in them that made the Slayer shrink back. Suddenly a sort of calm overtook Glory and she spoke calmly, though her body shook with wrath.  
  
"You may have escaped me, but no one gets out of here alive!" she said lowly. Buffy's brow furrowed at this, but before she could ponder further, she was gone.  
  
~~~  
  
Spike sat in front of the grave, staring silently into the headstone. Tears threatened to surface, but he kept them at bay, setting his jaw stubbornly. With a sigh he stood and turned his back to the grave. After two steps, he heard shifting within the ground that only vampiric scent could pick up. He thought momentarily about just keep going, he didn't much feel like a pick- me-up fledgling, yet he turned around and tried to exact just which ground a corpse would arise from. The sound was louder now, more pronounced, and his eyes were drawn to the grave it seemed to come from, widening. It couldn't be.He must be mistaken. But there was no error. The distinct sound was coming from Buffy's grave. 


	2. The Rising

To Live Again  
  
Author: Phoenix  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, yada yada.  
  
Summary: This is my alternate season 6. After 'Gift', Buffy did go to a hell dimension, and now she's back. But, she's not quite the same Buffy, and she has a hard time dealing. B/S, X/A, W/T  
  
Feedback: Reviews are Always Welcome (  
  
*Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long.I'm a busy person, but our basketball season ends on Tuesday, so that should help considerably. Not much happens in this chapter, but it had to be done, huh? Thanks for all my reviews. Here's number two. Enjoy, and as always, drop me a review, eh?  
  
Chapter 2- The Rising  
  
Spike looked at the grave, frowning deeply as the dirt began to tremble slightly. His breathing became a bit labored and he stepped back cautiously. What the hell was going on here? His mind raced, thinking up one insane possibility and instantly dismissing it, only to find another equally fanatical explanation. His hand moved to his duster pocket, retrieving the stake he always kept there. Just in case.  
  
So he stood there, flying through idea after idea. It couldn't be Buffy. How could she rise? It could be someone else.someone who had been turned? How? Were the bodies switched? No, he had watched Buffy's casket be lowered into the ground. He was thoroughly mystified, and all he could do was wait...and fear. Waiting was a killer, and he began to wonder what was taking so long when finally the tip of a finger rose from the ground, followed by the rest of a hand.  
  
Soon the second hand appeared, joining the other in search of a good grasp. Spike told himself to go assist whatever it was, whether he would have to kill it or not, but found he couldn't move. Inside, he knew who it was, but couldn't make himself believe it. Finally the blonde head of the slayer emerged, followed shortly by the rest of the body, and collapsed on solid ground. Spike was jerked away from his trance, and with two strides, crumpled down beside her.  
  
"Buffy." he whispered, afraid to touch her. Afraid that if he blinked, his miracle would disappear and he would be lonely again. He watched as the small, broken figure began to shake violently. He reached out tentatively, and gently rolled her over to look up at him, and moved her head onto his lap. His crystal blue eyes ran over her features, an un-needed, sharp intake of breath passing through his lip as he took in the terrorized, pain- filled eyes of his love.  
  
"Bloody hell.where've you been, Slayer?" the vampire breathed quietly. He started as she emitted a strangled cry and fell unconscious. Panicked, his eyes moved all over her face. At length he firmly ordered himself to get a grip, and gently picked up the lifeless form of his Slayer. Wondering at her weightlessness, he briskly walked to Revello drive.  
  
~~~  
  
Buffy had no idea where she was. Or what she was doing. Her limbs worked mechanically, digging herself out of her grave. When she finally reached the fresh air she collapsed, utterly and completely tired. Vaguely she was aware of something leaning over her, but her puffy, battered eyes allowed nothing but blurry vision. Dimly she could feel the waves of safety and love coming from somewhere, and as she felt herself fade, her mind screamed. She couldn't leave now! Now that she was.home? The world went black.  
  
~~~  
  
Banging on the door with his foot, Spike waited impatiently, throwing anxious looks down at Buffy as he waited for someone to answer. He knew it had to be at least midnight, and the house was dark.  
  
"C'mon." he growled lowly, shifting Buffy's weight. Finally a light came on upstairs, and he heard someone come down the stairs. Finally he saw an eye look through the peephole, and the door swung open to reveal Willow in her pajamas.  
  
"Spike.?" she asked confusedly, her eyes traveling down from his face to the bundle in his arms. Her features immediately changed to alarm and she quietly murmured, "Oh my God.Oh my God."  
  
"You goin' to let us in, Red?" he asked impatiently, throwing a worried look down at the Slayer. "Red?!" Willow shook her head as if to clear it and opened the door wider.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Come in. Put her on the couch. Uh.Tara! Come down!" she called at the foot of the stairs. She heard the door open, and, satisfied that the other witch was on her way, she rushed over to the coach. Bending down besides Spike, she looked at Buffy, her face clearly showing horror, surprise, and relief.  
  
Soon Tara came into the room, stopping abruptly as she saw the blonde lying motionless on the couch.  
  
"Oh." she murmured. They heard the pounding of footsteps coming down the stairs, which could only be Dawn. Willow turned from Buffy and went to meet the teen, as Tara took her spot.  
  
~~~  
  
Spike was so engrossed in Buffy; he didn't notice the teenager until she knelt down beside him, studying her sister's face with surprising unemotional eyes. He looked at her, compassion filling his ice-blue eyes, not knowing what to say. The uncomfortable science was broken, thankfully, by the teen herself.  
  
"Sh-She's going to be okay, r-righ?" her voice trembled, betraying her placid features. Spike blinked and looked down.  
  
"Honestly, I don't know, Bit. I hope so." He replied quietly with a sigh, turning his eyes back to the beaten Slayer.  
  
"Me too." The girl replied in a small voice.  
  
~~~  
  
20 minutes later, Willow put the antiseptic back into the first aid box, snapping it shut. She and Tara had sent Spike and Dawn to the kitchen while they undressed the still unconscious Buffy, treated her bloodied hands, and re-dressed her in a more suitable outfit.  
  
"Ok, guys." She called in to the kitchen. Soon after, Spike and Dawn sauntered out, both immediately going to Buffy's side.  
  
"She looks..Better.." Dawn said uncertainly, casting a hopeful look to the two witches.  
  
"Yeah." Tara said a little too optimistically, and at the others' stares she sunk back, subtle once again, looking at the ground.  
  
All of a sudden Dawn jumped up, racing to her sister's side.  
  
"Buffy! It's me, Dawn!" she said quite loudly, frantically looking down at her sister. Spike arose slowly from his chair, coming to stand beside the kneeling Dawn. Pain filled his eyes and he laid a hand on her shoulder. 'God, I'm getting to be a big poof.' He told himself mentally.  
  
"Nibblet, er, your sis.isn't.conscious." He said quietly.  
  
"No! I saw her open her eyes for a second!" Dawn exclaimed, looking appealingly up at him. He began to shake his head when a movement caught his eye. Buffy had awoken.  
  
~~~  
  
The three people crowded around Buffy, each taking their turn in asking if she knew whom they were. Only Tara remained back. Buffy sat up slowly, her eyes incredibly wide and scared. She looked around the room, swallowed hard, and squeezes her eyes shut.  
  
"Umm." Tara spoke up, "You g-guys should probably back away. She looks really.overwhelmed." Each looked properly reprimanded and immediately took her advice. Buffy, indeed, looked about ready to bolt. She looked around the room and back to the small group in front of her, like a deer caught in the headlights. Spike steeped forward cautiously.  
  
"Do you know who you are?" he asked lowly. She frowned slightly, but nodded.  
  
"Do you know who we are?" the blonde vampire asked.  
  
"I.erm.think so.uh.yeah." Buffy said after a pause, thought she looked anywhere but at the others as she spoke. She swallowed hard and spoke in a childlike voice, "Where.Where am I?" Spike's features broke down, and he was unable to answer.  
  
"You're home, Buffy. I don't know how, but you're home!" Dawn said, giving a cautious smile. Buffy's face finally rose, making eye contact with the teen, but instead of returning her younger sister's happy expression, she could only manage pain. Her head jerked to the kitchen as Tara walked out.  
  
"I called Xander and Anya. They're on their way. I don't think Anya was too happy about it." She said as she passed through the doorway. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, and Buffy stared into space until Willow came forth.  
  
"Buffy?" She spoke softly, reaching out to touch her best friend's hand, and winced when Buffy started violently at the contact. Patiently she continued. "You must be tired. Do you want to go to bed? Xander and Anya can wait until the morning, you know." Buffy looked past the redhead, but nodded and allowed Willow, followed by Dawn, to lead her up the stairs.  
  
Spike looked after her a moment, and turned back to Tara. Giving her a hard look, he spoke, "Now then. You know why she's back, I can tell. Why?"  
  
"W-we did a-a spell. To bring her back." The witch said.  
  
"A spell." The vampire looked a bit angry. "Who's 'we'?"  
  
"Willow, Xander, Anya, and I."  
  
"And I didn't know about this because.?" Spike fought for self- control, but was saved by a knock on the door. With an apologetic look, Tara went to answer. The vampire sighed and sank onto the couch, until the voices of Xander and Anya were heard. Groaning, he sat up and glared up at the couple as they walked in. After scowling down at the soulless creature, Xander looked around, looking confused.  
  
"Where's Buffy?" He asked Tara.  
  
"Willow t-took her upstairs to bed. She's p-pretty beat." The blonde replied, looking uneasy. "She said to tell you that you could s-see her in the morning." Tara looked away, and Xander and Anya sat together on the floor, as an edgy silence fell over the room. 


	3. Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

To Live Again  
  
Author: Phoenix  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, yada yada.  
  
Summary: This is my alternate season 6. After 'Gift', Buffy did go to a hell dimension, and now she's back. But, she's not quite the same Buffy, and she has a hard time dealing. B/S, X/A, W/T  
  
Feedback: Reviews are Always Welcome  
  
*Author's Note: Again, sorry for the delay.I had a block of sorts.Anyways, here's number 3.Big thanks to my Beta, Anna. You're the best! Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 3-  
  
The night that passed was overall sleepless for most in the Summers' house. The five people and one vampire occupying the downstairs spent most of their time in the living room or kitchen, and with minimum speaking. They were all lost in their own world and thoughts, though everyone's mindset was, for the most part, in the same region. And that region consisted of a particular blonde slayer, newly arisen from her grave.  
  
Xander was submerged in denial. From what he had heard, Buffy was pretty messed up. But, as a true denial-oriented mind does, he told himself that everything would be ok. Buffy only had a little case of jet lag from hell, as anyone would. In a good 2 hours, he had firmly convinced himself that Buffy was, all in all, ok. In a few days, she would be their regular old Buff. Back and good as new. But these beliefs only held so long, for around 3, they heard considerable thrashing coming from upstairs. Willow and Tara went up to check, and reported that Buffy seemed to be having bad dreams. After talking, they decided it was better to leave her. Xander now began realizing what was happening, and launched himself into a pessimistic view of things. They ruined her; they never should have messed with such powerful magic. But, again, these thoughts lasted only so long, and his conscious would not allow him to think so negatively. Back to denial.  
  
Anya was uncharacteristically quiet and pensive. She was extremely subdued by the restraining moods of everyone else, though she ached to break the disturbing silence. Her mind, no doubt, was as matter-of-fact, and blunt as usual, and however much she wanted to voice her opinions, she had a sense that the other Scoobs wouldn't take them so well. The situation was quite simple. Any dim-witted being could figure it out. Buffy was messed up. They messed with powerful stuff, brought Buffy back, and now she'd never be the same. The situation upstairs didn't cause her much trouble. They have to expect it! She did feel sorry, but, honestly, she just wanted to make better use of their time and let everyone know of her engagement.  
  
Willow didn't know what to think. She was shocked at their success. It didn't seem real that Buffy could be back. She was petrified that something had happened to Buffy when she did the spell, or what had happened to her, wherever she was. Most of all, though, Willow was ecstatic. To see her best friend, alive, again was fantastic. But Buffy's tossing and turning worried her deeply. To think of what she had probably endured in the short time she was dead was.horrific, and she couldn't think about it. She, of course, was very wary of any side affects of the spell, and didn't know what to make of Buffy. But, she had to convince herself it would be ok. Buffy was just in shock. Yes. It would be ok.  
  
Tara's reactions were much like Willow's, but more cautious. Though she couldn't relate, she could understood fully what Buffy might be going through, and she knew it was critical. As she looked in on Buffy's fretful sleep, a deep frown fell over her face. Buffy was in trouble.serious or not, something was wrong. Tara wished for the best, but she didn't have much hope for the 'happily ever after' ending.  
  
Dawn had many mixed emotions on the return of her sister. Prominent was happiness. She had thought that Buffy was gone forever. Lost. The thought had been so devastating, she had thought of suicide. Thank God for Spike, because if he had left her alone every night the rest were out, she might have dwelt on it, and the fantasy might have become reality. Now she was overjoyed that, by some miracle, her sister had returned to her. But below that epidermis of bliss came her terrified insides, amplified by the problems upstairs. She had definitely noticed something weird with Buffy, but her not-yet-mature mind hoped it was only shock.  
  
Spike, again, had many mixed emotions. But most of all was fear. Fear for the woman he loved, who undoubtedly came from a hell dimension back to this unperfected world. He perceived the change in her adeptly, and immediately knew something was terribly, horribly wrong. And it was driving him crazy. All through the ordeal with Buffy's neurotic sleep, he closed his eyes and tried to drown out the sounds only his vampiric ears could hear. Her labored breathing and thrashing around still haunted him long after it settled. What was wrong with his Slayer?  
  
~~~  
  
As day embarked upon Sunnydale, several people in the Summers' residence had dozed off. Only Spike, Willow, and Dawn remained. Dawn was fading fast, and Willow noticed it.  
  
"Dawnie, why don't you go up to bed?" The redhead asked.  
  
"It's almost six. The sun is coming up. There's no use." Dawn said, rolling her eyes. Willow looked down, defeated and too weary to argue. Suddenly Spike's head jerked toward the stairs, and he looked as if concentrating very hard. Willow frowned.  
  
"What is it, Spike?"  
  
"The Slayer. She's up." He said shortly. Almost immediately after, there was a faint crash, and he bolted from the couch, heading up the stairs. Willow and Dawn followed as soon as they could process, but Spike was already up the stairs.  
  
As Spike walked into the room, let out an unneeded sigh of relief. Buffy was seemed to be still sleeping. In her agitated state of slumber, she had simply knocked over the lamp on her bedside table. Willow and Dawn were by his side now, and each let out their own relieved sigh.  
  
"Be careful." Willow admonished to Dawn as the teenager stepped into the room and toward her sister. "I'll go get the broom." The witch said, and left for the basement.  
  
Dawn walked over to her sister, and looked down at her. Buffy's face was etched with lines of pain, and a muffled groan emanated forth as she rolled over anxiously.  
  
"It's so dark.so dark." Buffy moaned in her sleep, and set off in a rage of thrashing. Spike turned away with a wince, and walked to a corner adjacent to the window.  
  
"Pull up the blinds, Bit." He said quietly.  
  
"But you-" Dawn started, only to be interrupted by the vampire.  
  
"I'm out of the way. Open the blinds." He stated firmly, and Dawn went over to the window. She began pulling up the blinds slowly, engulfing one of Buffy's outstretched hands with sunlight.  
  
All of a sudden, a hissing noise was barely audible. Both Dawn and Spike heard it. Spike looked down at himself, Dawn's eyes following his own. There was nothing. The hissing was becoming louder, and they looked over to Buffy, who was stirring.  
  
The Slayer's small, elegant hand was smoking.  
  
Dawn dropped the blind cord with a shriek, turning around to face her sister. Spike simply stood where he was, staring unblinkingly at the rousing form on the bed. Both were too shocked to move, so they simply stood there, with sunlight still swarming around Buffy's hand. A small flame appeared upon it, and Buffy jerked. It was obvious that she was fighting for consciousness. Spike, wrenched from his stupor, turned to Dawn.  
  
"Drop the blinds!" He shouted hoarsely, also pulling Dawn from her trance. The blinds fell with a crash, and the awed teenager turned slowly around to face her sister. The smoke was fading now, along with the hissing noise, replacing itself with a sickening smell of burned flesh.  
  
"Oh.my God." Came a voice from the doorway. Both heads turned to see Willow standing in the doorway with a dustpan and broom, and, behind her, the person who had spoken: Xander. Everyone stepped in towards Buffy, the glass decorating the floor forgotten.  
  
~~~  
  
Buffy awoke to 4 people standing around her. Immediately she was aware of the sharp pain coursing through her hand. She was a little overwhelmed at the 8 eyes looking down at her, but felt better than she had yesterday. She remembered the night before with a shudder, and stared back up at her friends, unknowing of what to say. Her brow furrowed and she followed their gazes down to her bloodied hand, already starting to blister severely. Hazel eyes widened considerably, to match those of the people in her room.  
  
"What-? How.?" Finally she looked up at Spike, who was directly in front of her. "What's going on here?"  
  
"Sunlight, love." He answered simply, compassion and pain distinctly outlined in his icy blue eyes.  
  
"But.how could sunlight..affect me?" She asked, her eyes traveling around the rest of the sorrowful faces, in search of an answer. No one but Spike had the composure to tell her, and Spike was barely maintaining his. He only did it, or was able to do it, for the Slayer's sake.  
  
"Well." He couldn't find the words to say, and finally held out his hands.  
  
"Come here, Buffy." He said her name softly, as always was his way when he called her by her real name. With a confused frown she took his hand, and he led her to her mirror.  
  
What Buffy saw made her fall to her knees, and only Spike held her up. She had no reflection. 


	4. Uncovering

To Live Again  
  
IAuthor/I: Phoenix  
  
IDisclaimer/I: They're not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and yada yada.  
  
ISummary/I: This is my alternate season 6. After 'Gift', Buffy did go to a hell dimension, and now she's back. But, she's not quite the same Buffy, and she has a hard time dealing. B/S, X/A, W/T  
  
IFeedback/I: Reviews are Always Welcome  
  
I*Author's Note/I: I know it's been kind of a slow start, but now there's going to be more action. (Yay!) Big thanks to my beta, Anna, of course. And now here's my fourth chapter. Oh, don't forget to leave a review. Oh, and- Note: this will not be just another 'Buffy becomes a vampire' story.  
  
Chapter 4- Uncovering  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are approaching Sunnydale. All passengers please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts. All electronic devices must be turned off at this time, tray tables put back to the seat in front of you, and seat backs restored to an upright position as we prepare for landing. We should arrive in Sunnydale in approximately 20 minutes. Thank you." As the intercom made the clunking sound signaling it's being turned off, Giles sighed and pressed the metal button, leaning forward to let the seat rise to its original position. He looked thankfully out at the dark sky. It had been a long flight, and after the call from Willow, he was itching to get home.  
  
~~~  
  
The only sound in the room was Buffy's ragged breathing as she lied in bed. Buffy shook all over, her eyes were wet and red from crying. After their shocking discovery, she had ordered all out of the room and fell into bed, sobbing soundlessly. Suddenly her breathing stopped, and she held it. The small blonde lied, curled up under the covers, half-expecting to open her mouth and gasp for breath any second. But alas, that point did not come, and she remained for 10 minutes without taking a breath. This triggered tears anew, and she willed herself not to cry. But reality was a bitch, and Buffy felt it full-force.  
  
A demon. She was a demon. She had dedicated more than 5 of her human years to killing these, and now she was one herself. She was truly the bvampire/b slayer.  
  
~~~  
  
A stony silence draped the small group gathered in the room. No one knew what to say or do, and so they all ended up standing and looking around at each other. Suddenly a thought occurred to Willow.  
  
"Spike-!" She exclaimed, breaking the gloomy silence so abruptly that everyone jumped. Not in the least fazed by their reactions, Willow continued on, "Spike, when a person becomes a vampire, aren't they totally consumed by the demon?"  
  
"Yes." Spike answered as he looked at the witch quizzically, not quite sure where this was going.  
  
"Well." Willow paused to think a moment. "Then.why isn't she all with the bloodlust and evil-ness?" Everyone looked thoughtful a moment, then Spike's face turned to pure enlightenment. One by one, each of the other Scooby's faces followed.  
  
"She has her soul." Willow whispered.  
  
"D-Do you really think so?" Dawn asked. She wanted to believe it, but was afraid to get her hopes up.  
  
"Don't see what else it could be. When a fledgling comes up, all they think about is the kill. The Slayer seems like her old self.well.sorta." Spike's face was unemotional, though his eyes held faint hints of something like joy.  
  
"Should we tell her?" Xander asked. "She was really upset. Maybe if we told about her soul-liness it might make her feel better." Willow nodded slowly.  
  
"Why don't you and I go tell her now?" Willow suggested, directing it towards Xander. With a quick nod from him, they headed upstairs.  
  
~~~  
  
Spike sat on the couch, shifting around agitatedly. It was agony thinking about the Whelp and Red upstairs talking to Buffy. He should be up there. He knew what it was like to be a vampire, and he knew just what to say. They would get nowhere with the Slayer, because right now, like it or not, what she needed was him. And, because of these thoughts, a certain amount of delight flooded through him upon seeing Willow and Xander's defeated faces as they came back down.  
  
Dawn looked questioningly up at Willow, her question written clearly on her face. Willow sighed and looked down at her solemnly.  
  
"She won't listen. Or, rather, she won't hear.She just needs more time." Willow, despite her last words, looked troubled to the extreme. Xander let out a distressed sound.  
  
"Don't kid yourself, Will. Buffy won't hear us. She won't look at us. All she did was lay there under her covers and stare blankly at the window. She's ruined. We ruined her!" He spat bitterly, turning to pace up and down the room. Out of the blue, Spike stood and strode to the stairs.  
  
As Xander heard the vampire's foot mount the first stair, he whipped around and asked belligerently, "Hey! Where the hell do you think you're going?" With a furious expression he set off after Spike. As he passed Tara she stood up and put a hand on his chest, keeping him from passing her. Xander looked down at the witch, surprised. Tara removed her hand as if she had been burned, and turned bright red. However, after taking a deep breath, she stood up to the man that had slowly become like a friend.  
  
"No. Le-Let him go." With that said she averted her eyes, tremendously embarrassed at her bold, yet short, speech. Xander look dubious, but with a heavy sigh and final, scorning look at the bleached vamp, turned away and stomped to the kitchen. Spike, who had remained on the stairway throughout the encounter, gave a tiny, grateful smile at Tara and continued upstairs.  
  
~~~  
  
A soft knock came at the door, and Buffy heard it distantly. Next came the quiet sound of the door opening, and she turned her head just enough to see whom it was. Unaccounted for relief flowed through her at sight of the vampire coming in, and she had no idea why. She moved without knowing her movements, and found herself sitting up, back against the headboard (which was more than she had done for the previous two), and watched Spike.  
  
And Spike watched right back. For minutes they sat, or stood, there. Watching. And finally Spike swallowed, and spoke quietly.  
  
"I take it the Whelp and Red were just up here."  
  
"Uh-huh." Even to Buffy, her words sounded void of emotion, and isolated. Spike wet his lips, not sure what to say.  
  
"Did you listen to them?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Did you hear them?"  
  
"What's the difference?" Buffy was still monotone, and Spike was at utter loss for how to start the conversation. Oh, hell, he might as well just come out with it.  
  
"You've got a soul." He frowned at her lack of emotion.  
  
Buffy looked up after a minute, interest fluttering through her hazel eyes. "How do you know?"  
  
"Think about it, luv. Do you want to go drain all those people downstairs?"  
  
"Of course not." Buffy still looked confused.  
  
"Do you feel like going out and ending the world?"  
  
"No." Was that irritation lurking behind those shrouded eyes? Spike decided that annoyance would be better than no emotion at all.  
  
"Well? And why do you think that is?" All he got in reply was a shrug, so he continued. "You've got your soul, pet."  
  
"What's your problem, Slayer? I know you're not happy about being.one of us," Spike looked away, looking frustrated, then looked back up. "But you need to get a grip. You've got your soul, nice 'an pretty, right inside you. It could be a lot worse, you know." Seeing that his heated tones were only making the Slayer shrink further, he softened, and came to sit on the bed. Buffy stared at the bed resolutely, tears threatening to show themselves.  
  
"Look." Spike lifted her chin to look him in the eyes as his soft words went out to her. "I know what it's like. Knowing that I'd never, really, see the sun again. Or my reflection. And, until a year or so ago, I didn't much care. But, you've got it good. You're all here. All of Buffy is in here." As he said this he touched her chest lightly. Buffy flinched, and Spike pulled back.  
  
"Can you feel it inside you?" He asked gently.  
  
"No." Buffy finally showed emotion, just the wrong kind. Her words were icy and disturbed. "I don't feel at all. I'm a vampire. It will never, never be the same. And I'd rather be dead."  
  
"You've got another chance; another chance at life. Another chance to raise Dawn, and be with your friends, and save the world. And you're saying no." Buffy only stared straight ahead. Spike sighed and put his head in his hands. Finally he turned his head, still down, towards her.  
  
"Are you hungry? You must be hungry. Bugger, I shoulda thought 'o that sooner." He raised his head and looked at her, concern written on his face.  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"You need to eat, luv. I know you're hungry. You need blood. Think I've got some downstairs." The older vampire started to rise, when a sultry voice called him back.  
  
"No. I won't drink blood."  
  
Spike looked down at the ground and muttered to himself, "Well I've gotta try." He left for the kitchen.  
  
While he was gone, Buffy found herself thinking about her soul. Of course. Duh. It was quite obvious she had hers. She only wondered why she hadn't thought about it before. She knew just as much, if not more, about vampires than anyone else, except Spike. She should have been the first to realize her un-vampire-like feelings.  
  
The thought never occurred to her, that she had listened to Spike, but not Willow and Xander. She never even thought, at that moment, of why she had her soul. She already had too much on her plate to be asking the "who what when where why and how's".  
  
~~~  
  
7 minutes later Spike was walking back up the stairs, a warm mug of blood in his hands. He found Buffy exactly as he'd left her, and walked over to her with the mug in hand.  
  
Buffy sniffed the air and looked up at him.  
  
"I said no."  
  
"Yeah, well, I said yes. Drink it, Slayer." He moved the mug to her lips, only for her to turn her head away. Curse her stubbornness. He thought to himself. Clenching his jaw, he tried again. Very adeptly, he moved the mug in front of her, and before she could move away again, he thrust the straw into her mouth. At first Buffy looked fully at loss, then, a single tear fell from her eye. Spike tenderly brushed it away with his thumb, and Buffy, instinctively, started to drink. As she did so, her vampire countenance emerged.  
  
After the mug was empty, Spike stood.  
  
"H-how do I make it go away?" Buffy asked quietly, her fingers rising to her bumpy forehead.  
  
"Just concentrate real hard. Picture the human you." Spike cast his eyes away. He couldn't bear to look at her vampiric façade any longer. Buffy closed her eyes for several moments, and when she raised her fingers again, her forehead was smooth. Spike smiled down at her softly, and turned to leave.  
  
He walked to the door silently, but stopped as he opened it, turning his head so he could just barely see Buffy out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"Giles is on his way here. Should get here any moment."  
  
And with that the older vampire exited the room, leaving Buffy to lie back down and agonize.  
  
The tear that he had wiped from her satiny cheek would forever burn his skin.  
  
~~~  
  
The doorbell rang, accompanied by Dawn jumping up to get it. After opening the door, a small smile graced her face.  
  
"Dawn. How are you?" Came the sophisticated British accent. Dawn hugged Giles impulsively, and he, though looking a bit surprised, hugged her back. Willow mauled him soon after Dawn let go, followed by Anya, and Giles found himself thoroughly overwhelmed by the both of them. He looked around for Buffy then. Willow had just talked to him briefly the night before, telling him that Buffy had returned.  
  
"Where's Buffy?" He asked. Everyone looked at the ground, and Willow kicked herself mentally. Giles didn't know Buffy was a vampire! Anya brightened and steeped forward.  
  
"Oh she's up in her room. She's all upset because she's a-" Xander, fortunately, rushed to her then, covering her mouth with his hand hurriedly, and murmuring several words in her ear. Anya scowled.  
  
"What? Geez. He deserves to know." The ex-demon pouted her way to the back of the group clustered in the entry foyer.  
  
Giles frowned confusedly and looked around, finally asking slowly, "Know what?"  
  
"I.we have something to tell you." Willow said. She looked at the two suitcases Giles held, and added, "But first come in and put your bags down."  
  
"Yeah, you might need to sit down for this one." Anya put in, earning a reproachful look from her fiancée. She gave him one of her 'what? I didn't do anything!' shrugs and turned to follow Giles and the other into the living room.  
  
Soon all were sitting in the living room, with Giles looking expectantly around. To his great exasperation, all of his questions about Buffy had been evaded, and he was getting quite uneasy. He could tell by Willow's expression that something was very wrong.  
  
"For Heaven's sake, what is it, Willow?" He finally asked. Willow swallowed hard.  
  
"Buffy is a.vampire." The redhead whispered. Tara squeezed her hand, and Willow felt a little braver. She finally looked back up at Giles, and inwardly cringed at his deeply pained expression. Suddenly doubt clouded his eyes.  
  
"Are you certain? How do you know?"  
  
Willow told of the morning's events, helped occasionally by the others. Giles took of his glasses to clean them, then just laid him on his lap and squeezed between his eyes. "Well, are you certain she is indeed a vampire? I mean, she could be some other sort of.other demon, there are many who have the same characteristics of vampires, you know."  
  
"No." Spike said firmly. Everyone turned to him. "I saw her vamp face. When I gave her blood. She's a vampire." A heavy silence descended upon the room.  
  
Later, Willow and Xander decided that that was the closest they'd ever seen Giles come to crying, since the day Jenny Calendar died. 


	5. Arrivals

To Live Again  
  
Author: Phoenix  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and yada yada.  
  
Summary: This is my alternate season 6. After 'Gift', Buffy did go to a hell dimension, and now she's back. But, she's not quite the same Buffy, and she has a hard time dealing. B/S, X/A, W/T  
  
Feedback: Reviews are Always Welcome  
  
*Author's Note: Not Much To Say, so here we go. Thanks for all my great reviews. Sally-Jo: Great minds think alike! Thanks for your compliment, Where's your story?  
  
~ Oh yeah. Since I can't figure out how to make my italics show up on ff.net, flashbacks or memories are **  
  
Chapter 5-  
  
Giles pulled the mug out of the microwave and put the straw inside the red liquid. He crinkled his nose at the smell rising from the cup and turned to go back through the living room and up the stairs. As he started up the stairs he wavered, thinking for the first time of whom he was bringing this blood to. Suddenly he got dizzy, and felt as if he would vomit right there. This was every watcher's worst nightmare-his slayer turned.  
  
He hadn't seen her yet; he'd only been there for two hours. During that time he had heard all the details that could be given. Spike, of course, could give the most, since he had actually seen her come up. Giles started inwardly as another realization hit him. No one had even remotely doubted Spike's story. It just came to show that Spike was indeed becoming a part of the group.  
  
Giles shook his head, as if to shake the thoughts off, and climbed the stairs. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he reached her door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked softly. When no reply came for several seconds, he took the liberty to open the door slowly; just enough to stick his head in and look around. Finding a lump in the bed that could only be Buffy, he walked in. As he advanced, Buffy stirred, and sat up.  
  
"Buffy." Giles greeted, trying his best for a smile, but getting only a twisted, grimace-like contortion. He looked down at the Slayer and felt his grief all over again. He had learned to read her like a daughter, and right now he perceived her broken spirit to the hilt. He observed her grubby, uncaring appearance, from her tangled hair, rumpled clothes, puffy face, and finally, her defeated, pained eyes. He felt the pain, too.  
  
Looking as if he didn't know what to say, he simply held out the mug to her. She looked down at the bed for a moment, and then looked back up into his eyes pleadingly. He again offered a soft smile, and she took the blood. Though she made a face looking down into the cup, she drank it hungrily, and quickly so as not to taste it. She was so relieved that Giles was there, she felt like crying. He was the closest to a father she'd ever had, and, therefore, he brought an immeasurable amount of relief.  
  
After she finished she set the mug on the floor with a soft 'clunk' and looked up at Giles. The corners of her mouth lifted, producing a weak attempt at a smile that did not reach her eyes.  
  
"I- I'm glad you're here." She said softly.  
  
"Are you alright, Buffy?" He replied, his words just as quiet as hers. Small worry lines presented themselves as her eyes brimmed with tears and she looked down, shaking her head slightly.  
  
"No." She whimpered. Giles acutely saw the despair written all over her face. He decided that, though it would most likely hurt, something had to be done.  
  
"Why?" He asked, working up the courage to be firm with her. He flinched inwardly at the hurt widening of her eyes. She looked down at herself.  
  
"Look at me!"  
  
"I am, and you look quite alright to me."  
  
"Then you're not looking hard enough. Or you haven't heard the story."  
  
"Oh, no. I've heard. And I see you. I see Buffy. What do you see?" He looked down at her, more gently now, and lowered himself to sit on the side of the bed.  
  
"A.demon." She spat the word as if it was poison, and tears threatened again.  
  
"Maybe, but I want to know who you are, not what you are. Think about it." Giles smiled at her thoughtful face. Finally, she nodded faintly.  
  
"Can I get you anything?" Giles asked after a brief silence.  
  
"I just want to be alone." Came the low reply. Giles leaned over to kiss her gently on the forehead and walked out of the room.  
  
~~~  
  
The back door crashed open noisily, as a burning creature covered with a blanket raced through it. The 3 people in the kitchen looked up with raised eyebrows, two of them greeting the panting blonde.  
  
Spike looked at the three people making breakfast around the kitchen. Giles just went back to his work, but the witches both murmured their greetings. Through the doorway he could see Xander, Anya, and Dawn on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons. Only an occasional smile cracked at the antics of Bugs, quite the contrary to their usual bursts of laughter. But that was before.  
  
"So, I take it she's still not up?" He asked Willow. His assuming question was affirmed by the small nod of her head.  
  
"Bugger. It's been 3 days. I thought you said you knocked some sense into that thick skull 'o hers." The vampire said to Giles.  
  
"Well, I-I thought I did. I think it will take a little more that that though."  
  
"I think we should start researching on why she came back a.how she did." Xander said as he joined them in the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah. I m-mean, maybe there's some way to reverse it o-or something." Tara added. Several nods circulated the kitchen, as Anya and Dawn joined the group. Spike looked agitated.  
  
"No. Something needs to be done for her now. Something to get her alive and kickin'" He looked down and added lowly, "Figuratively speaking, that is."  
  
"As much as I hate to, I agree with the undead on this one. We gotta get her up before she kills herself." Xander trailed off. "Again." More heads nodded.  
  
"I'll run over to the Magic Box, get some books, and come back. Meanwhile, you all think about how to get her up." Willow walked towards the door.  
  
She opened it to reveal a tall brunette man with his fist raised, ready to knock. Behind him stood two women and two other men. Willow looked around at them and back to the man directly in front of her. Blinking, she spoke.  
  
"Angel.Hi."  
  
"Willow. Hey, can I come in?" He was in the shadows of the porch, and the sun was rising behind the house. It would be rising to its full height any moment now, making his situation a bit risky. He looked back at the sky nervously.  
  
"Oh! Of course. Come in..A- all of you." She moved from the door as they all came inside. The Scoobies came in from the kitchen.  
  
Spike's loud exclamation of "Oh Bloody Hell!" resounded through the kitchen as he saw who had arrived, but he too walked into the living room, though remaining in the background.  
  
Introductions were made as needed, all of them coming to know Angel's friends 'Gunn' and 'Fred'. Small talk was made, until an awkward silence fell over the large group. Finally a voice rose up.  
  
"Not that I'm not glad to see you, poofter, but why in the bleeding hell are you here?"  
  
Angel looked at his grand childe, choosing to ignore him, as he saw the same question more subtly held on the others' faces.  
  
"Cordy had a vision about Sunnydale. She couldn't exactly remember what it was about, but we thought we'd come check it out. What's going on here?" Angel asked, suddenly suspicious by the looks being thrown around by the Scoobs.  
  
Willow looked around desperately, dreading the question. Finally she asked, "Wait. Cordy had a vision?"  
  
"Yeah, I think we're all saying 'Huh?' here." Xander said, disbelieving.  
  
"Cordelia is half-demon. But that's not the point. What's wrong?" Angel asked, looking chagrined. He had been deeply hurt to hear the news of Buffy's death, and had spent many days locked in his office, drowning in his anguish. At first he had felt guilty. He knew that he could have made some kind of a difference. But slowly, with his gang's help, he had gotten over it enough to get things back to normal, even if he wasn't on the inside. But being back in Sunnydale, seeing her closest friends, brought back all the hurt, and all he wanted to do was help and leave.  
  
Giles swallowed hard. "Buffy." He couldn't go on, and turned away. Angel started at the name and looked around anxiously.  
  
"What about her?"  
  
"She's back." Giles drawled quietly. The faces of the LA group changed. Most had known and, generally, liked Buffy. Gunn and Fred had certainly heard enough about her and her death, that they were noticeably surprised too. Angel looked quite awed.  
  
"W-Well.where is she?"  
  
"There's more, Peaches." Spike again supplied.  
  
"Yes.Somehow, when she.er.returned.something happened to her. She's a..a..Vampire." Angel's jaw dropped, and he blinked rapidly. The expressions on all the other's faces mirrored his, though not as intensely, and the room was silent save the ticking of the clock.  
  
~~~  
  
Buffy lie in bed, distantly hearing the doorbell. Not paying much attention to the subtle tingling running up and down her back, she drifted to sleep.  
  
**  
  
Buffy ran through the thick forest frantically, looking backwards every few steps and limping. It was gaining on her. Finally she fell forward as the beast tackled her from the back. She threw it off her, gathering all her remaining strength. Taking her ax, she swung it. It found its mark across the barely dazed creature and she took off again. If she could only get out of this forest, she'd be fine. So she just ran as fast as her weakened body would allow, weaving in and out of the trees. Finally the trees thinned and she saw a dim light.  
  
Just two minutes later, the forest ended as abruptly as it had started, and she was out in an open, barren field of dead grass. As she ran from the gloom and into the sunlight she looked back. It was catching up again. She looked back forward only to have a hand grasp her throat painfully, stopping her in her tracks. As she looked up, she went limp.  
  
"Sorry, doll, but this is a dead end." The redheaded goddess lifted Buffy up off the ground, and a snarl came from behind her. She was trapped either way. Glory moved her to the side, looking past the woman she held so easily and to the ugly creature she had been running from. "Lets play, shall we?"  
  
**  
  
Angel stepped inside the dark room, staring at the love of his unlife, who was at that moment squirming and twitching on her bed. He walked over to her bed and studied her face, kneeling down. She looked like she was in extreme pain and fear. She must be dreaming. Suddenly she yelled and thrashed wildly. The brunette vampire rose to sit on the bed, and took Buffy halfway into his arms. She quieted, and after a moment opened her eyes. Upon seeing whom it was who held her, she blinked. Finally a small smile graced her face.  
  
"Angel." She murmured, "You came."  
  
Spike stood at Buffy's open door. He had come up to get Dawn for lunch when he heard Buffy's scream, and promptly went to investigate. The scene that met him also froze him. He turned from the brunette and blonde vampires talking quietly in the dark, pain creasing his forehead. 


End file.
